Frenzy? More like...Fffffwhatever (Spoilersville ahead...I warned you.)

I managed to watch True Blood from the seclusion of my wee lil' dorm room. Every 15 seconds it would freeze and stop to buffer. Or whatever it does when it's not working. Maybe this is the reason for my annoyance with the episode. Or maybe it was just bad.

For those few of you who don't watch the delightful HBO series based on Charlaine Harris's Sookie Stackhouse novels, here's the quickest recap ever:

Sookie is a Louisiana barmaid who is telepathic. Her boss is a shapeshifter who's super adorable, her boyfriend is a vampire named Bill (not Antoine or Langdon). Vampires have recently 'come out of the coffin' and blah blah vampire rights, blah blah people are dying, blah blah, Eric Northman is Bill's superior and is awesome.

Second season: Maryanne is a crazy goddess who wreaks havoc on Sookie's town Bon Temps. Sookie goes to Dallas to try and find Eric's maker Godric who's an uber powerful and old vampire. He also looks like a cross between a teenage Frankenstein and a really adorable back up singer in a boy band. Bill says "Soohkehhh" a lot and his 'maker' Lorena pays a visit to him while "Soohkehhh" has gotten herself into a bit of a mess with a crazy church that hates vampires and those who love them. AKA: her. It escalates into an almost war. Godric steps in and tells all the vamps and humans to chill and they do. But not for long. The church sends someone in to bomb Godric's home during a party and some peeps die. Back home in Bon Temps, nearly everyone is under Maryanne's spell. She wants Sam (Sooohkehhh's boss) as a sacrifice to her God Dionysus and she'll stop at nothing to get him...except like...go and get him. So here we are...Maryanne has stolen Sookie's house and made it into some place not fit for Peter Pan's lost boys and the town is bonkers. WHAT TO DO? Well...maybe Evan Rachel Wood knows.

I'll never stop watching True Blood, I've read all the books twice and they are the only books on my shelf right now (I know, that's really bad, I need to buy my school books like yesterday). I love most of the characters (MOST being the keyword) and the setting is just so seductively trashy and awesome.

But riddle me this...
where are all the children of Bon Temps while the parents are out at orgies and TPing the sheriff's department? We know that Arlene's kids are hiding out in the woods near Merlottes, but what are the rest of them doing? Surely I am not to believe that Arlene is the only one with kids in this town. They are cute though and the scene with them and Eric at Fangtasia was priceless. "Teacup humans" he calls them, eyeing the children with a gleam in his eye. We don't know whether Eric wants to devour them or adopt them. Dear ol' Pammy (in an outfit fit for David Bowie) just wants them OUT.

So Sam goes to Eric for help with Maryanne. He flies off to get help, but LO! Mistah Bill Compton in all his leather jacket glory has already gotten to the source of help.

Queen Sophie-Anne LeClerq of Louisiana is played by Evan Rachel Wood, who I've always been like 'eh' about. I would have liked if Alan Ball had stayed true to the books regarding Sophie's age and temperament. She was fifteen and very cool and collected in the book, whereas here...in her palace...on the show...she is extravagant, obnoxious and rather unhelpful.

Bill and Eric have an awesome macho moment outside the Queen's lil' 'day room' (simulates the day time for poor nocturnal vamps) and Eric's hair is delightfully windswept from his flight (yeah, he flies).

The most bizarre scene was when Lafayette has a PTSD moment in which he sees Eric in Lettie Mae's clothing pointing a gun at him. Gosh Alan Ball. Why do you hate my Eric so much? Stop making him so goshdarn evil! Lafayette was dealing BLOOD. So what if it was vampire blood, it was BLOOD. Vampires were hurt and probably killed for it, so Lafayette was doing a bad thing and needed to be punished. Ok, maybe not in a dungeon. But still.

And Tara Thornton...no. I won't even get into her character. Eggs Benedict needs to GO. Right now. Just kill him off within the first two minutes of the season finale. No explanation needed. I'm sorry, that was mean. But this season, there was too much screen time wasted on their relationship. Frankly, no one I know who watches the show could possibly care less about the status of their relationship or what Maryanne's deal is. I dare you to try and find one positive thread about Eggs and Tara's story line on the IMDB.com message board.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0844441/board/threads/ And yes I'm a dork and tried it myself.

All in all, unless Eric (Mr. January) Northman was onscreen (clad in women's clothing or not), I was not riveted to the screen much during this episode.

Also...I don't enjoy the fact that my Eric is canoodling with the Queen (seemingly against his will) in the promo for the finale. Oh Evan Rachel Wood. How I envy you. But still...doesn't the Queen bat for the other team? She can't have it both ways!

Oh wait...yes she can.

See you tomorrow folks. ;)